Dr. Yes by Colin Bateman

Author:Colin Bateman [Bateman, Colin]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
ISBN: 9780755378593
Google: NosMSAAACAAJ
Publisher: Headline Book Publishing
Published: 2010-09-14T12:00:00+00:00

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Chapter 22

I told Alison about trying to convert Rolo to mystery fiction. I said it was just like Pygmalion, except interesting. She responded with: 'You can't polish a turd.' To be fair, that response only came after a lot of screaming and crying when she saw the state of my nose, although even during that she stopped long enough to snap: 'I thought you said you were a haemophiliac?' and I took time out to study my reflection in the shop toilet mirror, and the relatively small quantity of blood on the towel, and then punched the air and shouted, 'It's a miracle!'

'You could have been killed!'

'Nah,' I said.

I started in on my theory about their reasonably light beating, but she cut in with:

'Never mind that, what are we going to do about your nose?'

'Is it that bad?'

'Man dear, it looks like someone tried to open it with a can-opener.' She shook her head. Then she kissed me on the forehead. 'I saw them go in from across the road, but I was in the middle of this hard sell and couldn't get away. I thought there was something suspicious about you having two customers in a day, but I just couldn't get rid, and then the wrinkled old bag didn't buy anything. I came as quick as I could, a bit like you.'

I gave her a look. She gave it to me back.

'Is it very sore?' she asked.

'Yes.'

'Have you taken a painkiller?'

I gave her another look. I had been addicted to Nurofen, Anadin, generic paracetamol, Night Nurse, Sleepeaze, co-codamol, Kapake and Vicks since 1992. My senses are so dulled that if I was caught in a flood, I would be able to cut off my own arms for use as paddles without flinching, although I wouldn't be able to hold them.

'What do you think it means?' Alison asked.

'What what means?'

'Presuming for the moment that they were sent by Dr Yes, what do you think it means?'

'I'm not sure we can presume. I have a lot of enemies, and not just in retail. But if it's Dr Yeschenkov, and if we're thinking that he hired Buddy Wailer to whack Augustine, then he must either think we're not worth the whack treatment, or Buddy Wailer isn't available right now. Which is probably good either way. Rolo will go back and report that I've been dealt with; that takes the spotlight off for a little bit, gives us time to manoeuvre.'

'And how are we going to manoeuvre? Bearing in mind that I'm with child and if I'd been in the shop they would probably have beaten me as well?'

'We just have to be careful.'

'Careful would be leaving it alone.'

I nodded. She nodded.

'But we won't do that,' said Alison.

'Probably not.'

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